Perfect mommies???

The last few days, I've been reading a bunch of mommy blogs. Some are really funny, others offer great advice. I notice there is one thing missing from them all. None of the blogs mention having children with out of control behavior or worse having a child who is in the juvenile court system. I wonder why that is. Is it because the mommy or parent is ashamed their child has been "though the system?" Or is it the shame of others thinking that blogger is a bad parent thus cannot give advice? Now, if I'm being perfectly honest, I don't read the blogs for advice. My kids will probably not like many of the crafts nor will I be able to use them in my 4-H club (although, won't stop me from trying a few of them). 
 I admit with my first and maybe even my second, it was great to brag about their first happenings (steps, teeth, ect.) but by the third and fourth....I was kinda over it. My kids will attest to that and there is evidence of it in their scrapbooks. Alex has 2 very full books, Mathew has just filled his first...and sadly, I haven't really put anything in the twins' books. 



Here is my quandary: Are there any mommies out there who are having issues with their kids behaviors to the point that either: a) a therapist was brought in or b)they are classified as juvenile delinquents? 

 It just appears to me that many of the mommy blogs are upper middle class who have the time and resources to give their kids the nicer things in life. Not that it a bad thing....not in the least. I guess more of my issue is the lack of struggle with being a parent. We all lose our top and say or do something stupid. I must admit, I have many, many times. I always feel the thee worst parent on the planet. 

Maybe it's just me....I want to be able to read about not the small mishaps of a toddler during the potty-training phase. I really, really don't want to know about that! Eeekks!! Those horribly awkward tween and teen years where you have lost every bit of respect from that cute freckled face kid who used to give lots, and lots of hugs and kisses with fresh "I love you mommy" who has turned into a braced mouthy, pimple faced teen who lovingly tells you, "I HATE you!" Where are those blogs? Maybe I'm just running across the mommies with kids that are still in that cute and cuddly phase. I need to find the mommies from the wretched teen phase. 




A note to mommies with younger ones: cherish every little kiss and hug....every cuddly moment you can....eventually they grow out of it. Oh how I miss the cute phase.  

Peace at last

Wow, what a day!

 I wish I could say that today was hectic due to visiting family and friends or because I was cleaning up a storm. Nope. It was hectic and crazy on a whole new level today because of my three younger boys. My nine year old twins were just a bundle of hyperness today. So much so that I was having an awful time keeping up with them. My 12 year old Mathew is just an emotional lil guy. He takes everything personally and to heart. He has this inner sense of justice. He feels everything must be done a certain way or it is wrong. If the wrong is not corrected, the world will come to a crashing holt. If he was a girl, he would be a total meltdown drama queen personality too. Sadly, when Tim gets to his breaking point he says that. Then later has to rebut the statement. 

An hour before bed, the boys found Toy Story 3 on Disney Channel. They curled up on the sofa and watched tv with me. It was very serene. Reminded me of when they were toddlers. The twins would grab their blankets and cuddle with me. I didn't realize how much I missed their cuddle-time...till tonight. 

The sounds of their voices

I feel like a horrible mother today.
 Every time, I hear my boys voices--even their laughter. I want to scream. Maybe it's because they are being extremely loud today. Maybe it's because they are playing with every loud and obnoxious toy they own--also causing the dog to bark nonstop. Maybe I'm just a horrible person today. I don't know. I do know that part of the issue is they have this sense of entitlement especially my twins. They think that everything in the house also belongs to them, thus they should be allowed to play and use whatever they want. It completely unnerves me. It's worse when they attempt to bully me into allowing them to play or use the electronics in the house--or worse they just starting using these items such the Playstation 3 or the desktop computer, or my cell phone. All for gaming--not educational purposes.   

Is it too much to ask for children to earn their privileges? I didn't think that was too much to ask. Although, I can't complain too much about that because when I reminded the twins of their chores, they hopped right on it. They completed them in record time. I just wish they would complete their chore before they think about playing games. 

I might be asking too much from them. 

Challenges of a new path

I used to love starting a new adventure. Not knowing where you will go or what lies ahead, but as I'm getting older, I'm learning that I don't like to play it by ear anymore. No, I would rather have things planned out. Have a back up plan--a plan B, C, D, and sometimes even E. Things worked out better for me and our family when I had a plan. Grant it, now I know that when I made the plans, it made my husband feel insignificant and de-masculinized. I started doing more things his way. Well, his way is fly by the seat of your pants and pray to God that everything works out. Yeah. Well, I decided that we are going to start to plan things out. I will work hard to not make plans and decide things for him but to discuss it before hand. 

I attempted this tonight. I talked to Tim about how he was going to work through his schooling issues. He told me his plan. He's going to talk to the professor about his grade and the lack of communication. See if the prof will allow him to take the quizzes again. I doubt this will happen. I used to work with his prof and this guy is a genuine asshole. He thinks the world revolves around his class. He is a gift to higher education because he worked the private sector for a number of years before becoming a prof. I don't think Tim will get anywhere with him. That's Tim's plan A.
Plan B is to speak with his adviser (who is also the Director of the Criminal Justice Program) about what to do and Tim prays that Bob will make an exception or help him in some other way. Bob may try but I don't think Bob will make an exception--not even for one of his favorite students. Bob is a great guy and he does make exceptions (he has for Tim in the past, but this isn't like changing a high D to a solid C). This would be like changing an F to a solid C or making an exception to the V170 course for graduation requirements. I honestly don't see either one happening. I think Tim's Plan B is shot too. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to rain on his parade. But I can already feel the drizzle from other people. I hope, beyond all hope that one of those tactics work. But let's be realistic here...that's making quite an exception for some pretty crappy work. 

Tim did listen to the few plans, I can up with. He said that if neither of his plans work, he will figure out which one of my many plans, he will use. At least, he listened to what I had to say. I wasn't pushy. Believe me, that is a first for me. 

Now, we wait. Wait for Monday when either Bob gets back with Tim or Tim calls Financial Aid to figure out what his options are.   

a difficult situation

Alright, my last post was all about my husband's graduation situation. After speaking with my friend, I realized Tim has many options. He can look into a Political Science minor or a financial forensic investigator minor ...or re-take a few classes he got low grades on. Anyway, he has options. He just needs to look into what he wants to do. I pray everything will work out soon. 
I need it to anyway.

a very bumpy month

This was supposed to be the last semester of schooling for my husband. Now, it doesn't look as if that is going to happen. When we added his points for the semester, he didn't have enough to pass the course which means he will not graduate. I think we should find a plan B, but Tim is wallowing over the fact that he didn't follow my advice about this course. I know he feels like I'm saying "I told ya, so" but I'm not. I just want to find a solution to this problem. 
I'm starting to think this all might be a blessing in disguise. He can pick up a minor in Forensic business investigations. This will open up another area of work for him. He will be able to work in banks, insurance companies, and retail stores. He could work loss prevention in retail stores or fraud detection for banks and insurance companies. 

Tim seems very hesitant about this whole thing. I know the largest reason for his hesitation is because he's tired of being in school. He just wants to get out into the workforce.  He thinks that having a job at the same time as finishing his schooling will be too much. If the entire family is helping him then it won't be too much. Maybe, I'm being delusional in the fact that he can work 40 hours and have a full time class schedule. That is a lot...maybe it's too much to ask of him especially when he's already burned-out. 

I'm just trying to figure out what's best for our family and ultimately for Tim. Part of me wants to tell him to suck it up and move on. Start planning for the next phase of his life or work through this bump in the road--and move forward. That seems very cold and callous. I won't tell him that. Besides he really can't do anything at all until Monday. Monday can look into his many options available. 

My first posting

Hello everyone,

Today, I wanted to voice my concern about my 16 year old son Alex. My husband and I have a rule with our son that as long as he has a cell phone...we get to periodically check it (to make sure he's not abusing the privilege by getting on porn or sexting or anything else inappropriate). My husband, Tim was checking his phone this evening. I am a bit bothered by a few of the text messages that he sent. Nothing inappropriate or anything but Alex did tell his friend Monica that my husband is abusive. While this is partially true, it still bothers me. It bothers me because Tim has PTSD. When Tim returned home from Iraq, he was abusive during his bouts of ...well I'm not sure what you call them fits of anger, maybe? Tim did hit myself and Alex, although Tim would later have no recollection of the incident (later we found out this is one of Tim's side effects of his PTSD). Tim has been in treatment for well over three years and has barely raised his voice to any of our four children, let alone hit anyone out of anger. 

It really bothers me that Alex is telling his friend that Tim is abusive. For one, the abusiveness was by no fault of Tim's. Another, Tim is in treatment and has been quite successful with his anger issues. I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself by it really bothers me. 

The other issue, we found in his texting is: he was complaining about the constant yelling and he would rather be anywhere but here. That really hurt my feelings. For one thing, there is very little yelling...most of it is when someone yells across the house instead walking to the other side of the house. I must admit there are times that I raise my voice to our nine year old twins, who seem to completely ignore everything I say and do. I know there are times, I yell at them to get their attention. I should stop doing that. 

I know I am far from the perfect parent, but it is hurtful to read about how I should leave my husband because he's abusive and yells all the time which is very ironic because the only person who "yells" or even raises their voice is me! 

I'm sure when I go to see my therapist, she will tell me Alex is still angry at Tim for coming home from Iraq (and coming home with PTSD).